


With the Rain

by SEMellark



Category: Free!
Genre: Anxiety, Haru has amnesia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Supernatural Elements, or does he?, seriously it's up to you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-02-26 19:36:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2663867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SEMellark/pseuds/SEMellark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru doesn't speak much, but it's usually important when he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be working on "Ray of Light," but I have a break from school this week, so I'll get a lot of writing done anyway. Figured I'd give this plot bunny some room to run.

“You smile too much.”

“Smiles aren’t bad.”

“They are when they’re fake.”

“How do you – That’s not – “

“You can’t lie to me.”

“No… I guess I can’t.”

Haru doesn’t say much, but it’s usually important when he does.

* * *

Makoto was eleven when his mother came home with a child.

The day was a cold one, wet and stormy and generally unpleasant, and that meant steaming cups of warm milk with honey in the Tachibana household.

His mother went to the store alone. It was the first time she hadn’t allowed her young son to accompany her, telling him fondly that she didn’t want him catching a cold. And so Makoto stayed home with his father, counting the booming claps of thunder to determine how far away the storm was and guessing how long they thought it would last.

When the front door opened, nearly an hour later, Makoto rushed to help his mother with the groceries only to find that there were no brown bags full of goodies in her arms, nor any traces of happiness or warmth to be found in her expression. She was sopping wet, the light eye-makeup she always wore creating long, shadowing streaks of black down her pale face that almost sent Makoto running back to his father.

But there was a boy at her side, holding her hand, just as soaked but not nearly as frightening, with dark hair and bright blue eyes that caught and held Makoto’s almost as soon as he’d appeared around the corner.

Makoto didn’t know what to make of it.

The front door was still wide open, and with the pouring rain as his backdrop, the boy released his hold on Makoto’s mother’s hand and took a step forward. His shoe made a soft squelching noise on the hardwood floor, and Makoto’s gaze flickered to his mother, for she never allowed him to leave the entryway without taking off his shoes.

She said nothing.

Makoto looked back to the boy as his father finally made an appearance, gasping somewhere beyond his son’s shoulder to ask his wife what on earth had happened to her.

Blue eyes narrowed, a small mouth fell into a grim line, and Makoto found himself being hugged, no inch of the front of his body spared by the damp state of the strange boy’s clothing and overall being.

Makoto was only a boy then. He was young, scared, and more than a little confused, but not because there was a strange boy in his house, hugging him as if they were long-lost friends.

What scared Makoto as a child was how easily he’d accepted it, how he hadn’t been surprised to see that boy in the doorway with his mother.

If anything, he’d felt just a sense of relief.

Six years later and Makoto still hasn’t figured it out.

All he knows is that Haru came with the rain, and change came with Haru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Haru isn't the focal character in this story, I'll leave interpretations of who and what he is up to you guys. Seriously, his past is purposefully ambiguous.


	2. Chapter 2

Makoto jerks awake at the first blare of his alarm clock. He chose the most obnoxious tone possible when his parents bought it for him. In theory, the desire to turn off the annoying, digitalized jingle should be enough to get him out of bed quicker.

On the opposite side of the room, Haru is already sitting up in his bed. He looks just as pleased as he usually does to be woken from his sleep, and Makoto smiles at him, unperturbed when Haru only blinks in response.

“You think Mom would believe me if I said the both of us are sick?” Makoto asks.

Haru reaches up to run a hand through his sleep-mused hair and doesn’t say a word.

They have this one-sided conversation almost every morning. It’s routine by now. Makoto doesn’t think either of them has ever liked the idea of going to school.

Haru takes the bathroom first while Makoto savors another few minutes in bed. It takes a while, and Makoto is nearly straining to hear every little sound, but then he hears the bath water start to run and relaxes.

There are some days when Haru can’t even bathe. He has issues with water, deeply rooted and consuming in a way that Makoto thinks is linked to the beach, where his mother first found Haru. He’s always been that way, since the day Makoto first met him, but Makoto knows that their days will be good ones when Haru can bring himself to take a bath.

Haru returns ten minutes later, dressed in his uniform and toweling off the still dripping fringes of his dark hair. He comes to stand over Makoto, staring down at him imploringly, and Makoto almost laughs, because Haru really does worry too much.

“I’m okay.” Makoto says quietly, and though he attempts a smile, it feels more like a grimace to him. “I don’t think I can eat breakfast, though.”

Haru doesn’t look satisfied with his response, though he moves aside so Makoto can get up.

His mother is in the kitchen when the two of them finally manage to leave their bedroom. She looks up when they enter the room, smiling around the rim of her cup.

“Morning, boys.” She says warmly. The kitchen smells of coffee, which Makoto’s mother only drinks when she has extremely bad migraines. “Did you sleep well?”

“For the most part.” Makoto says, hanging back as Haru roots through the fridge, looking for the lunches he made for them the previous night. “Ran had a nightmare and came to our room at about two. Haru put her back to bed.”

His mother sighs, setting her cup down on the surface of the counter. Makoto watches her movements, is trying to find the nerve to ask if they can skip school. Haru seems to be waiting for it, because it really shouldn’t take him _this_ long to get their lunches.

“I told the both of them to let you and Haru rest.” She says. “You never get much sleep the night before school starts up. Are you nervous?”

“Not really.” Makoto replies.

Haru closes the fridge, tossing Makoto a look before stuffing both of their lunches into the depths of his backpack.

“We should get going.” Makoto says, eager to get out of the house. If he’s going to school, he’ll have to mentally prepare himself, and he can’t do that while trying to keep his lies convincing.

“Aren’t you going to eat breakfast?”

“We’re already running late. I promised Nagisa we would meet him at the train station and we’d all walk together.”

“Well, if you’re sure.” His mother says as she gets up from her seat at the table. She hurries across the room to place a kiss on Makoto’s cheek before turning to Haru, hovering just to the side, and giving him the same goodbye. “Have a good day, you two.”

Fresh air usually helps, and Makoto takes gulps of it once they’re clear of the house. His hands have been shaking since he woke up and realized what day it was, and the tremors have only gotten worse since then. He hates lying to his mother, but he hates the idea of worrying her even more.

Haru nudges Makoto’s side as they walk, and Makoto is surprised yet not to find that Haru is offering his backpack to him. He tends to forget things when he’s feeling anxious about something.

“Thank you, Haru.” He says gratefully, taking the dark green strap and slipping it over his shoulder as they continue to walk away from the house. “You saved me a lot of trouble.”

“You lied.” Haru says, tone flat and eyes scolding, and Makoto glances away and down, focuses on his shoes as he places one foot in front of the other.

“Not about anything important.” Makoto reasons. “So what if I’m nervous or if we aren’t meeting Nagisa at the train station? She’ll never know the difference.”

Lying just comes easily to Makoto. He’s had years of practice since Haru came to live with them. He can’t tell just anybody that they found Haru on the beach during a storm, or that he has no memory of his previous life, or that they aren’t really brothers.

Of course, Makoto’s parents have the adoption papers to prove that Haru is a member of their family, so it’s technically not a lie. It’s the past that’s the tricky thing, the obscurity of Haru’s previous existence, the fact that he hadn’t legally existed until he popped up on the beach six years ago.

Makoto doubts anyone would believe him if he told the truth anyway.

“Anyway.” Makoto says, changing the subject, because he hates feeling like he disappointed Haru in some way. “This is our last year of high school. We should make something out of it.”

“Why?”

Makoto laughs. “I don’t want to look back and just remember how scared I was.”

“Remember what you want.” Haru presses closer to Makoto when they break free of the neighborhoods and enter the main street that leads down to the high school. It’s early in the morning, but there are still people rushing about to get to work or snag a quick breakfast before they start their days. Makoto has never done well in large crowds of people, and he’s thankful that Haru keeps it in mind.

“It’s not that easy, Haru.” Makoto chimes, and Haru huffs, a short, petulant little sound that he makes right before he stops talking for good.

The silence is fine – Makoto is used to it – and it gives him time to think.

He really would rather not have to look back on his childhood and teenage years and remember nothing but long stretches of anxiety, but it’s rather unavoidable at this point.

Makoto’s been this way for as long as he can remember, before Haru and longer, though his social anxiety and overall shyness did improve once Haru came to live with them.

In school – and in any social setting, really – Makoto speaks for Haru. It’s the only time he can get himself to talk in class. The thought of having all eyes and ears on him is enough to make Makoto’s stomach churn uncomfortably, but he can do it if it means protecting Haru.

As a child, he couldn’t stand the twittering giggles that arose whenever a teacher called on Haru to answer a question and the blue-eyed boy refused to acknowledge that he was being spoken to. It isn’t much better now that they’re older and their peers are more prone to judgment and gossip, but Makoto’s gotten used to those moments when he breaks his habitual silence and answers a question in Haru’s stead.

The aftermath is never pleasant – the sweaty palms, the racing heart – but it’s worth it if it means attention is directed from Haru and his odd way of handling life.

Makoto can’t even imagine how it must feel to know nothing about yourself aside from your name. He can’t imagine, and therefore he can’t judge Haru for the way he acts. He may be Haru’s best friend, but he doesn’t always know what goes on inside his head.

It’s been six years, and still, Makoto doesn’t want to think about what Haru might have gone through before he came to live with them. There’s always been something off about Haru, something aside from his aversion of conversation and lack of memory.

Everyone sees it. Their classmates give Haru a wide berth and pretend he doesn’t exist. They go to the store or a restaurant, and the other patrons eye Haru warily, as if he’s a shifty character that needs to be watched at all times.

Makoto would be the first to admit that there is something a little strange about his best friend. But they’ve been together for years, and Haru has never done anything to make it seem like he’s hiding a darker, more destructive side, or whatever it is that everyone seems to expect of him.

Makoto sees the way Haru plays with Ren and Ran, how he feeds the stray cats in their neighborhood and helps out around the house without being asked. He remembers how Haru used to climb in bed with him when they were kids, before the twins were born and Haru’s own room was transformed into a nursery.

Those were the nights when Haru’s blue eyes were blown wide with fear, and no amount of coaxing from Makoto could get him to go back to his own room. So, they would lie in Makoto’s bed together silently until they fell asleep, always in close proximity of the other, always holding hands.

Haru still gets like that sometimes, even at the approximate age of seventeen. Makoto knows that Haru doesn’t remember his past, but certain things set him off, loud wails of sirens, thunder, Ran’s temper tantrums when she doesn’t get what she wants.

It’s in those moments that Makoto catches a brief glimpse of the Haru that everyone else must see, the one who is always wired tight with apprehension and fear, a ticking time bomb of suppressed emotion and prolonged confusion.

Makoto doesn’t think he pities Haru. At a basic level, he does sympathize with his struggle of not knowing who he is or where he came from, but that’s not the only reason Makoto cares.

Haru hugged Makoto that first day and has stuck to him like glue ever since. Even in the midst of his confusion, Haru chose him, and Makoto never wants to betray the trust that Haru has placed in him.

They understand one another, even if their interactions and conversations are almost always verbally one-sided. Makoto knows that Haru is lost, and Haru knows that, to some degree, Makoto is as well.

Makoto tells anyone who asks that they are brothers, that they are friends, but they’re so much more than that. The problem is that words can’t possibly explain the amount of faith they have in one another.

Makoto can’t tell his classmates why he chooses to be with Haru over them. He can’t say that the thought of speaking to any of them is enough to make him want to throw up. He can’t say that Haru is the only one person outside of his immediate family who doesn’t make him nervous.

Makoto doesn’t like to be spoken to, and Haru doesn’t like to speak. It’s why they work.

They reach school long before Makoto is ready, and he feels somewhat ill as he observes the groups of teenagers walking into the building or milling about on the Green. But Haru is with him, and Makoto tends to feel braver with him around.

“This year.” Makoto says, suddenly inspired. He clutches at the strap of his backpack and glances down at Haru. Once, Haru had to glance down to meet Makoto’s eyes. A lot has changed since they met, but then again, nothing’s really changed at all. “This is the year we find out who you are, Haru.”

Haru says nothing, and together, they step onto the school grounds.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the chapters will be relatively short. I never planned for this to be a long story since I've got a lot of other stuff going on, but since it'll be short, I carefully detailed every little thing that happens, so hopefully it'll make up for the length. 
> 
> Unrelated, but is anyone else crying over The Walking Dead? Because I feel like a chump.

The day goes about as well as Makoto had expected.

Nagisa talks too much, Haru doesn’t talk at all, and it’s all Makoto can do to keep himself together during classes when all he wants to do is go home.

But Haru is always right there beside him, so the sickness in Makoto’s stomach is manageable.

It’s not as if Makoto wants to be the way he is. The majority of his classmates seem like nice people, and his teachers have always been encouraging. He just never grew out of his childhood shyness, and it manifested into something far more consuming the older he became.

He just worries too much and always has. It’s a hard habit to shirk.

The walk home is perhaps the most peaceful aspect of Makoto’s day. Haru directs their path, so it comes as a shock to Makoto when their steps lead to the beach. Haru would never choose to go near bodies of water of his own volition, so it’s obvious that he’s trying to make Makoto feel better.

Unlike his best friend, Makoto doesn’t mind the ocean.

Makoto repays Haru’s kindness by placing himself between Haru and the beach as they walk. Haru keeps his gaze straight forward, if not just a little to the left, so even from his peripheral, he can’t see the shore. His fingers are white from where they grip the strap of his backpack, and Makoto eyes them sadly for a moment before glancing to the water.

“Maybe we should start here.” Makoto says, referring to the resolve he made earlier in the morning. “You appeared on the beach. Maybe it’s a clue.”

“It’s not.” Haru says, his first words since the morning.

“You seem so sure.”

“I am.”

Makoto sighs. “How are you sure if you can’t remember?”

“Some fears are irrational and don’t need an explanation.”

It isn’t meant as a jab at Makoto’s own mentality, so the green-eyed teen doesn’t take it as such. He only feels a slight sense of guilt, because he doesn’t want to make Haru afraid. “We didn’t need to come this way.”

Haru shakes his head, finally glancing in Makoto’s direction. His azure eyes are narrowed into a fierce glare, and Makoto’s shoulders bounce in a silent laugh. “It’s fine if you’re here.”

Makoto takes Haru’s word for it.

An elderly woman is out tending to her flowers as Makoto and Haru ascend the steps that lead to their neighborhood. She sees their approach and waves to them, smiling in a way that reminds Makoto of his mother.

Makoto immediately tenses, but it would be rude not to acknowledge her in some way, especially since he knows that Haru won’t. He waves back, the gesture small and hesitant, and no words are exchanged as they walk past her.

He turns onto his street instinctively before realizing his error and stopping. Makoto turns the slightest bit and waits for Haru, who has stopped and is staring further up the incline.

At the top of the stairs is a house. It’s been vacant for as long as Makoto can remember, and both of his parents say that no one has lived there in years. The home is in ill repair and is truly a sorry sight, but Haru’s always had a fixation with it.

He always stops to stare when they walk by, and neither of them says anything about it once they continue on their way. It’s just a thing with Haru. Even he doesn’t understand why he does it, though no effort has been made to rectify the behavior.

Makoto has wondered before if maybe Haru lived there, once. But it’s impossible, because Haru wasn’t in the system when the social workers checked. As far as anyone knows, Haru didn’t even exist until Makoto’s mother found him at the beach. If he’d lived in Iwatobi at any point, someone would’ve been able to verify Haru’s existence.

The beach and the house offer no hints as to Haru’s identity. Makoto really has his work cut out for him.

“Makoto! Haru!”

Makoto turns in enough time to open his arms and accept Ran’s embrace when she crashes into him. Ren runs past them, to Haru, and Makoto lets him go.

“Welcome home!” Ran says cheerfully. She and Ren don’t start school again for a few more days, so they were probably bored to tears without Makoto and Haru around to entertain them. Makoto knows his mother tries, but it’s difficult to play with the twins and take care of odds and ends around the house. “We missed you guys.”

“We missed you, too.” Makoto laughs, turning to Haru. He already has Ren hoisted up in his arms, and he nods to affirm Makoto’s words.

“Mom made a snack for all of us. Then she’s going to take us to the park.” Ren says, speaking to Haru. “We wanted you both to come, but she said you would be tired from school and would want to rest.”

“We always have time for you and Ran.” Haru says, and the small smile on his face is far from forced.

Haru’s always had a soft spot for the twins. He was the first person to hold Ran after their mother, he was home alone with Ren when he lost his first tooth, and he’s teaching the both of them to draw.

Ren and Ran treat Haru just as they treat Makoto, as an older brother that they love and admire. They don’t know any different, as Haru has been around all their lives. Their parents have agreed to wait until they’re older to tell them Haru is adopted, but Makoto doubts anything would change even if they did know.

“Let’s hurry and eat, then.” Ran says, tugging fiercely on Makoto’s hand. “We’ve been waiting for this all day!”

Makoto laughs again as his little sister guides him toward the house, the memory of the old woman and his reaction to her fading away.

His own anxiety, Haru’s past, Makoto can deal with it later. He has time.

It’s only the first day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Makoto. There's never enough time.


	4. Chapter 4

It is dark when Makoto feels his mattress dip, his blankets shift.

After a long afternoon spent at the park, Makoto is half-asleep and dazed, though he scoots over to make room for Haru as he climbs into bed with him. Makoto isn’t surprised. This happens far too often to catch him off guard anymore.

Haru sniffs as he settles down against one of Makoto’s pillows, and it’s with a jolt that Makoto realizes his best friend is crying. He reaches out, crossing the space between them to grasp Haru’s shoulder and pull him closer. Haru doesn’t fight him, but he quakes and trembles and clutches in a way that resembles Makoto while in the worst of his panic-stricken moments.

Makoto himself doesn’t like to be touched when his emotions overcome him. Haru is the exact opposite, or he is where Makoto is concerned, at least.

“It’s okay.” Makoto murmurs sleepily, sliding his arms around Haru’s back, holding him close. “I’m here.”

All at once, they’re children again. They have separate rooms and Makoto isn’t close at hand when Haru wakes up afraid.

Makoto used to sit awake at night knowing Haru would come, and he’d listen as the sound of soft footfalls drew closer to his door. Haru would enter the room silently, just as he’d entered Makoto’s life, and Makoto’s mind would be whirring at impossible speeds, trying to think of a way to cheer up his guest.

But Haru is no longer a guest. Makoto doesn’t need to think about what to do, about what Haru needs.

Haru has his walls, but they have never hindered Makoto. He’s stopped wondering as to why that is.

“I think I drowned.” Haru says, voice small and broken, so soft that Makoto is certain he imagined it.

“You’re a good swimmer.” Makoto replies. In that moment, it makes perfect sense.

He drifts off waiting for Haru to respond.

* * *

“You look tired, Mako-chan. Didn’t you sleep well?”

“I actually did.” Makoto replies, pointedly not looking at Haru, who is seated in front of him, quietly eating his lunch. “Ren and Ran woke us up early is all.”

Nagisa laughs, leaning back on his palms. “Boy, am I glad my parents didn’t have more kids after me. I like being the youngest.”

“I don’t even remember what peace and quiet felt like. Haru and I used to read a bunch.” Makoto reminisces, and Haru nods absently, remembering as well.

This is Makoto’s favorite part of the school day, when he can escape to the safety of the roof with Haru and Nagisa and forget, if even for a moment, that this place feels like a prison cell.

“So, what were you saying before?” Nagisa asks, tilting his head to the side just so. “About Haru-chan?”

“We’re going to figure out where he came from.” Makoto replies. “It’s been so long. I can’t stand the idea of there being someone out there who misses Haru and doesn’t know what happened to him.”

Nagisa nods thoughtfully, lolling his head onto his shoulder so he can look at Haru without really moving his body. “You still don’t remember, do you, Haru-chan?”

Haru says nothing, but it comes as no surprise. They may be friends, but Haru has never spoken in front of Nagisa before. The only people who know what Haru’s voice even sounds like are the Tachibanas, and Nagisa is the only outsider that knows about Haru’s strange past.

“This will be hard, then.” Nagisa sighs, straightening out his posture. He hasn’t touched his food, and Makoto eyes the lunchbox warily. Nagisa must really be taken with the idea of figuring out who Haru is if he’s ignoring food.

“You don’t have to help.” Makoto says pointedly, though not unkindly. “It won’t be easy. Haru could’ve fallen from the sky for all we know.”

“Wouldn’t that be neat?” Nagisa’s eyes shine as his imagination rears its interesting head. “Maybe Haru’s a mermaid. Or a fairy. Or a werewolf!”

“I think we’d know if he was any of those things, Nagisa.”

“Oh, I forgot you don’t like water, Haru-chan.” Nagisa says decisively. “There’s no way you could be a mermaid.”

Haru side-eyes Nagisa. His expression is blank save for the slight quirk of one of his eyebrows, and Nagisa starts to laugh. Makoto can only smile.

He was slightly hesitant about bringing up his plan to Nagisa, if only because he didn’t want any unwanted attention drawn to Haru. But Haru had said himself that it was okay, though he hadn’t sounded very happy about it.

Makoto believes that Haru will tell him if any of this truly bothers him. Haru will speak if he feels there is something worth saying.

Even so, Makoto is dead set on figuring out where Haru came from. If not just to satisfy his own curiosity, then to give Haru a sense of purpose, a place in the world, which Makoto doubts Haru has.

If Makoto doesn’t know who he is or what he’s meant to do, even with his family and past lain before him, then how can Haru possibly have any of that?


	5. Chapter 5

“I want to help you.”

Makoto pauses in the middle of doing his homework, and he glances over his shoulder at Haru, who is seated on his own bed, legs crossed, staring at Makoto intently.

“O… kay?” Makoto says slowly, draping his arm over the back of his desk chair to devote more of his attention to his friend. “No offense, Haru, but math isn’t really your thing.”

Dark brows furrow over piercing sapphire irises, and Haru shakes his head. “Your anxiety.”

“… Oh.”

A heavy silence falls between the two of them, and Makoto twirls his pencil within his thumb and pointer finger.

A week into the school year and already Makoto is juggling more homework than he can really deal with. Haru doesn’t put forth much effort into things, but he does well enough in his classes that he doesn’t fail. Makoto has always somewhat envied Haru that, his ability to _not care_ when the mood suits him when Makoto himself struggles with caring too much.

“Why?” Makoto asks at length. “You don’t have to burden yourself with it. It’s not really your issue.”

“My past isn’t yours.” Haru points out, and Makoto can give him that, at the very least.

“But what can you do?” Makoto isn’t trying to make this difficult. On some level, he’s genuinely curious, but he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. He’s tried and failed to get his emotions under control for years now, and he’s the only one who knows how truly bad it’s gotten.

Haru shrugs, and it’s about as much as Makoto had been expecting. But something about Haru’s expression manages to pique Makoto’s interest, though he can’t quite figure out what’s different about his friend’s usually indifferent disposition.

“I don’t want to see you sad.”

Makoto blinks. “But… I’m not?”

“Stop lying, Makoto.” Haru says sharply, and Makoto suddenly realizes what is off about Haru today.

“Did I make you angry?” He asks quietly, setting his pencil down. His homework can wait. “Is it about figuring out who you are? Am I pushing too hard?”

Haru seems like he’s about to say something in reply, but then he snaps his mouth shut, and the line of his jaw is impossibly tense. He pushes himself off the bed before Makoto can think to stop him. He refuses to meet Makoto’s eyes.

“You’ll ruin yourself if you aren’t careful.” Haru says, and then he’s gone, stalking from the room and slamming the door behind him.

Makoto vaguely hears his father call a half-hearted reprimand from somewhere within the house, though he’s too shocked to really pay much attention, shocked and ashamed, because he feels that he’s disappointed Haru, somehow.

* * *

Haru doesn’t speak at all the next day, not even to Makoto.

The sickness in Makoto’s stomach amplifies tenfold during school, because he truly feels alone, even if Haru is at his side as usual. Something about Haru’s silence seems different, and it’s so off-putting that Makoto doesn’t dare try to initiate conversation.

Everything about his friend’s demeanor is just unwelcoming, and Makoto can tell that their classmates notice. They send Makoto sympathetic smiles, as if they assume he’s the one in the doghouse, and even if Makoto can’t meet their eyes, he knows that they’re right.

Whatever he did to make Haru so upset, Makoto wants desperately to rectify it. Haru is more than just his best friend. He’s family, and Makoto doesn’t want to upset Haru just as he wouldn’t want to upset Ren or Ran or either of his parents.

And so, when his teacher opens the class for discussion at the end of his lesson, Makoto musters all his courage and slowly raises his hand.

“Tachibana?” The man says, brows rising in slight surprise. “You have a question?”

“Yes, sir.” Makoto replies, though the words feel like bile on his tongue. Haru has stiffened in the desk beside him. “Could you go over the equation for logarithms again?”

His body has gone cold, but his teacher only nods before going back over the notes he’d prepared. Although he’d been the one to ask the question, Makoto doesn’t pay attention. He can only wonder if he’d sounded stupid to his classmates.

After school, Makoto is still thinking about it, and it’s obvious Haru is as well, though of course, he doesn’t say as much.

Makoto only realizes it when Haru stops walking on their way home. He turns to face him, though Haru doesn’t say anything, just stares, and Makoto manages a small smile.

“I’m forcing you out of your comfort zone by talking about your past, right?” Makoto says, forcing himself to keep his voice even. There’s a reason he doesn’t speak in class unless it’s in Haru’s stead, and the aftermath is exactly that reason. “It’s only fair if I step out of mine.”

Haru continues to assess him silently, but then he starts walking again, catching up to Makoto in a few easy strides.

“Just don’t hurt yourself.” He says shortly, and Makoto finally relaxes.


	6. Chapter 6

They take baby steps.

Makoto visits the local library to check genealogy records and searches missing children on the Internet as often as his schedule allows.

Haru comes up with new ways to push Makoto’s limits, to gently coerce him into action, like saying hello to random strangers or asking questions in situations where Makoto normally wouldn’t.

The two of them steadily make progress as the school year progresses, and although finding out who Haru is seems like a far-fetched reality, Makoto can’t come to regret the effort he’s been putting in, because honestly, he and Haru have never been closer.

Everything is going well until the night Makoto follows Haru's example and wakes up afraid.

Makoto doesn’t really dream, and if he does, he never remembers. Sometimes he wakes up in the morning with the sense that there’s something he needs to be doing, but those instances are few and far between.

So it comes as a shock to Makoto when he finds himself dreaming, and while he _knows_ he isn’t really conscious, he can’t seem to wake up. The whole thing is almost an… out of body experience.

He’s at the beach, and Haru is there, about the same age he was when they first met six years ago. The sky is dark and the air is humid, and Haru shouts although Makoto can’t hear him. He looks out over the roaring surf, stomach tight with a fear he can’t begin to explain, and then he spots something out in the water, a kick board being tossed about with each crash of a wave.

“What do we do, Makoto?” Haru cries, voice cracking, on the verge of hysteria. “What do we _do?_ ”

“Get back in the tent!” Makoto hears himself say, and he takes a step toward the water. “I’ll get him, I’ll – Haru, _don’t_!”

Haru makes a dash for the ocean, and Makoto tears after him, shouting so forcefully his throat immediately feels raw, but even he can’t hear his own voice, so of course Haru won’t either.

Makoto loses sight of Haru almost immediately after he dives into the water, and he starts to panic, swimming toward where he’d last seen Rei’s kick board. But the waves are too strong, and Haru and Rei are too young to die, not here, not now, and he fears for the boys more than himself as he’s pulled down

_down_

**_DOWN_ **

Makoto wakes abruptly, shooting up in the dark with a strangled gasp that was originally meant to be a scream. His throat is too raw to give it room to grow, and he can taste the seawater, feel it rushing down his windpipe, and it’s dark and he’s wet and maybe it wasn’t just a dream after all.

But through the terror, Makoto notices that Haru is standing over him, seventeen years old and in no danger whatsoever, although his eyes are just as wide as they were in the dream, right before he dove into the water.

“Makoto?”

His voice is scratchy from sleep and laced with concern. Makoto shakes his head, dropping his face into his hands as he struggles to control his breathing. The wetness he feels all over his body is just sweat, and the taste of salt in his mouth must be from that as well, but the similarities are too eerie for Makoto to deal with right now.

“I’m okay.” Makoto forces himself to say, and he lowers his hands to offer Haru a shaky smile. “It was just a nightmare.”

As his eyes slowly adjust to the dark, Makoto can see that Haru is frowning at him, or… at his mouth, at least. Haru is always telling Makoto that he smiles too much, but how can he not?

It’s part of his cover. Makoto needs his smile to keep his lies convincing.

Haru starts to move, and Makoto breaks eye contact with him, assuming that Haru is going back to his own bed. But then the damp covers are being lifted from Makoto’s lower half as Haru climbs into the bed next to him.

“You don’t have to – “ Makoto starts to say, but Haru cuts him off by placing a hand on Makoto’s shoulder and pushing him back against his pillow.

“How many times have you done this for me?” Haru asks, and Makoto can’t really argue.

Makoto lies awake long after Haru drifts off, staring up at the ceiling as their room slowly begins to light up with the rising sun.

And while he eventually calms down, Makoto can’t escape the nagging notion that his dream felt more like a memory.

* * *

“Ryuugazaki Rei.”

Makoto finds that he can’t breathe as the words leave Haru’s mouth. Nagisa only gapes in shock, because he’s never heard Haru speak before.

Haru’s expression remains deceptively blank, but his eyes are keen as he observes the two of them, gauging their reactions.

Makoto’s thoughts immediately drift to last night, to his nightmare, and while he’d given no thought to the faceless person he’d thought about when he saw the kick board, it suddenly seems important now, and the fact that he's forgotten almost seems like a massive insult.

“Who’s that, Haru-chan?” Nagisa asks eventually. His curiosity is reserved in a way Makoto isn’t familiar with, and when he spares a glance at his friend, it becomes apparent that Nagisa is unnerved by the intensity of Haru’s gaze, the purpose behind his tone. “A friend of yours?”

Haru sits quietly for a moment before his shoulders rise and fall in a silent sigh. “Never mind. It’s nothing.”

But Makoto knows it isn’t nothing. His dream told him as much.

Haru has been acting stranger than usual since they woke up that morning, staring openly at Makoto as if trying to figure him out, and Makoto has found himself doing the same.

For some reason, he feels like he doesn’t really _know_ who Haru is anymore, the Haru who has been his best friend for six years.

Instead, he keeps thinking about the Haru in his dream, the child who was so much shorter than Makoto, who had looked to Makoto as he if held all the answers.

It doesn’t make sense, but then, it never really has. Makoto had just been willing to ignore it until now.

He feels like a dozen liters of ocean water have settled in his stomach. It’s a different kind of sickness than his anxiety, and Makoto is overwhelmed by his inability to deal with it.

But what bothers him most is a memory, one that was once murky but is now clear as day.

The last time Haru crawled into bed with him, just a little over two weeks ago, he'd said, "I think I drowned."

Makoto had been half asleep then. The words had meant nothing to him. But now...

“I think,” Makoto says at length, “I need to go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gettin' down to the wire.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will probably be the last. But there may be an epilogue after that. We'll see!

In the days following his dream, Makoto suddenly seems to inherit his mother’s migraines.

Makoto blames stress. He and Haru just don’t fight with each other, and the atmosphere in the house is tense due to their rift. At dinner, even the twins are more subdued than usual. They’ve never seen their older brothers upset with one another before.

It’s not as if Makoto is upset with Haru himself. Haru hasn’t really done anything wrong, but Makoto can’t help feeling exasperated, which is a new occurrence for him.

He just has this… _feeling_ that Haru knows more than he’s letting on. Maybe he’s known for years, ever since the first day, and has just chosen to stay quiet about it. Makoto hates feeling so uncertain where Haru is concerned, because for a long time, Haru was the only thing Makoto actually understood.

He has half a mind to try and fix things, but there’s just too much on his aching mind.

The abrupt shift from finding out _who_ Haru is to _what_ he is was more jarring than Makoto could have imagined.

When the weekend comes, Makoto finds himself spending most of his time in Haru’s company, in their bedroom. Even when they don’t acknowledge or speak to one another, the fact still remains that they’re more comfortable around each other than anyone else.

Even in silence, Makoto and Haru can find solace, and that, at the very least, hasn’t changed.

Makoto is listlessly flipping through his calculus textbook when there is a knock on the door. Haru is lying in his own bed, atop the covers and on his side, back to Makoto, and the green-eyed teen sighs to himself before calling a soft, “Come in.”

It’s his mother, and she smiles apologetically at Makoto, as if she believes she interrupted important work. Makoto hadn’t actually been doing much studying. His thoughts have been occupied today, full of sand and rain and kick boards, as they have been everyday for nearly a week.

“Sorry, boys. Would one of you do me a favor and run a gift over to the new neighbors? I’d do it myself, but Ren is refusing to take a bath.”

Makoto hesitates for a moment. This is usually something Haru would take responsibility for, because almost everyone in town knows that he won’t speak, and no one pries when he runs errands so long as he has a list explaining what he needs.

Haru doesn’t let on that he heard his adoptive mother enter, though Makoto knows he isn’t sleeping, because Haru only sleeps on his back or right side, never his left.

“I’ll do it.” Makoto says, closing his book. He needs to work on conquering his anxiety more, anyway. “You said they were nice, right?”

“Well, that’s what I’ve heard.” His mother says, stepping back as Makoto exits the room, closing the door behind him. He’ll leave Haru to his sulking, if that _is_ what he’s doing. “I haven’t had the chance to go down and meet them myself yet. I just wanted to be quick about a house-warming gift.”

Makoto swallows down his nerves and follows his mother to the kitchen, where she lifts a small package from the table and hands it off to her oldest son.

“Makoto.” She says softly, and he glances down at her, surprised by the frown on her face. “Are you and Haru okay? Is there something you aren’t telling me?”

“No, it’s not like that.” Makoto insists, rubbing his thumb over the smooth wrapping paper on the gift. “Haru and I… We tried to figure out who he is.”

Something unreadable flashes across his mother’s features. “And it didn’t work out?”

“I don’t want to give up on him.” Makoto says, and he really means it. “But he’s not making it easy.”

“Well.” She sighs, moving back toward the hall where Ren is probably holed up in his room. “Just remember that Haru is a part of our family. That’s the most important thing.”

Makoto feels a little indignant, because he would never try to imply that Haru is anything less than family, but he leaves the house before he can dwell on it too much.

It came as a shock to Makoto when after school on Thursday, he and Haru came home to find that the house at the top of the hill was no longer vacant. Dozens of people were carrying boxes in and out of the house, and Makoto could only assume someone had finally decided it was worth salvaging.

Makoto had worried a little about Haru, what with his fixation with the house, but he hadn’t reacted at all. They still weren’t speaking to each other then, so Haru had left Makoto standing alone at the fork between the two houses without a word, and he’d yet to even mention it.

Maybe one of these days, Haru will want to meet the people who moved into the house he was always so fascinated with.

Makoto is doubtful.

He doesn’t hesitate before knocking on the door once he reaches the top of the steps. Waiting will just give him time to work himself up, and that’s the last thing he needs. Makoto’s father always told him and Haru growing up that first impressions were important, so Makoto keeps that in mind as he waits.

When the door opens, Makoto forces a smile and starts to explain himself… but comes up short.

“Hello.” The woman standing before him is a carbon copy of Haru. They have the same eyes, hair color, nose. Even their mouths are the same size. And Makoto is frozen, absolutely paralyzed, because there is just _no way._ “Can I help you?”

“Uh.” Think. Breathe. Deal with it later. “I’m Tachibana Makoto. I live down the road a ways. My mother wanted me to bring this over to, uh… welcome you to the neighborhood.”

The words leave him in a rush, and he lifts his arms once he’s done, offering the package to her. A delighted smile lights up her face, and when she takes it from him, Makoto realizes she’s pregnant.

“That’s so nice.” She gushes, and Makoto is doing math in his head, trying to figure out how a woman as young as this could have a child as old as Haru with another one on the way. “Tell your mother I said thank you. My husband and I really appreciate the kindness everyone has shown us.”

“Is this your first pregnancy?” Makoto blurts out.

She blinks in surprise, but then nods, still smiling. “Yes. She’s due any day now.”

Makoto relaxes, though he can’t say why. “It’s a girl?”

“Well, it’s just a feeling I have.” She admits, looking a little sheepish, and Makoto doesn’t think she’s any older than he is, maybe two or three years at the most. There’s no way she could be Haru’s mother. “I don’t really want to know until she’s here. Kind of weird, I know.”

“Not really.” Makoto assures her, taking a step back. He’s itching to get to Haru and tell him about this new development. This woman could be his sister, or an aunt, or even a third cousin. No matter the degree of relation, it’s obvious there’s _something._ “I have to get going. Welcome to the neighborhood, Mrs… “

“Nanase.” She replies, waving even as he backs away. “Thank you again!”

Makoto runs home. He bursts into the house still trying to catch his breath, and the door to the bathroom is closed when he passes it, the voices of Ren and his mother drifting out from underneath the door.

Haru is sitting up in his bed when Makoto walks in, and he seems slightly resigned as he glances up through the dark fringes of his hair, watching as Makoto closes the door and turns to face him.

“Haru.” Makoto begins, but he doesn’t know how to continue.

“Leave it alone.” Haru sighs. He looks so exhausted, and Makoto vaguely wonders if maybe Haru was sleeping before and just couldn’t be bothered to assume his usual position.

“Why?” Makoto asks, exasperated.

“I don’t care as much as you do.” Haru replies, as if Makoto would believe that after everything that’s happened.

“That woman looked exactly like you!” Makoto exclaims, extending his hands to Haru in an imploring gesture. “I mean, she can’t be your mom, but maybe you had a sister. Don’t you want to see her and – “

“No.” Haru says sharply, and his expression is slightly dangerous as he glares at Makoto. “I really don’t.”

“I don't believe you!” Makoto finds himself snapping. His head is killing him, and Haru is so _frustrating_. Can’t he see how important this is? Makoto frowns, distressed. “Don't you want to know who you are?"

Haru shakes his head, quickly, fiercely, and the line of his jaw is so tense Makoto thinks it might break. “I know who _you_ are.” Haru says, simply but desperately, and Makoto doesn’t have the energy to press. 

He deflates, feeling as exhausted as Haru looks, and he moves to sit down on his bed, running his hands through his hair. “Why does this bother me so much?” He mutters.

“You can’t help it.” Haru replies sullenly. “Just like I can’t help upsetting you.”

“You don’t upset me.”

“I do. I always have.”

“See, you say things like that, and I can’t help but question you.” Makoto says. “It’s like you’re talking about something else completely unrelated. I don’t believe that you don’t know something, Haru, I _can’t.”_

Haru is quiet, and Makoto stares down at the floor, hands linked together behind his neck. The pounding at his temples has receded, and Makoto doesn’t know what to think. Migraines don’t work like that, they don’t just disappear within seconds after appearing.

_What is happening?_

“Haruka.”

Makoto looks up.

Haru is still sitting on his bed, but he’s staring at the floor now as well, shoulders hunched and hands clasped together between his legs, as if to protect himself from something Makoto can’t see.

“That’s my full name.” Haru continues. “I know that, and I know I drowned. I dream about it just like you do. But that’s all I know for certain. Everything else is just a feeling. I swear to you, Makoto.”

They’ve always known one another. They have to try at _everything,_ but not with each other. Makoto hears Haru when he doesn’t speak, and Haru can tell when Makoto is on the verge of panic. And now they share dreams.

It’s not just about Haru anymore. Whatever happened to him, Makoto believes he was involved somehow. Neither of them remember, and they suffer for it in their own ways; Makoto his fear, Haru his silence.

Makoto was never this afraid until Haru came into his life. He knows that now. And until they find out what happened, they’ll never be free no matter how hard they try.

“What _are_ we?” Makoto asks.

“If I knew,” Haru says, “I don’t think I’d be here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit's gettin' real.


	8. Chapter 8

He stops asking questions.

Makoto doesn’t want to say that he’s scared, because he’s not. He just delved too deeply into something he wasn’t prepared to properly deal with, and those around him started to pay the price.

That’s what he tells Haru when his adopted brother asks. But the truth of the matter is that Makoto _is_ scared, though not for the reasons Haru might think.

“If I knew, I don’t think I’d be here.” That’s what Haru said the day Makoto finally met Mrs. Nanase. And what bothers Makoto the most about Haru’s cryptic words is that he actually agrees with them.

Some part of him knows that once they discover the truth about where Haru came from, he’ll disappear. How that could be possible, Makoto doesn’t know, but he’s beyond the point of questioning things that don’t make sense. He’s still insanely curious, but if finding out the truth results in Haru’s removal from his life, then Makoto will let it go.

But in the end, it wasn’t up to him.

The day the clouds roll in, Makoto’s mother closes all of the windows. She makes a point to tell Ren and Ran to keep away from them, because the winds are too strong and she doesn’t want them getting hurt, but Makoto notices that her eyes keep wandering to Haru.

It’s the first time in his life that Makoto wonders what his mother knows.

“I think we could all use a pick-me-up, don’t you think?” His father says at some point in the afternoon. He was going to take the twins down to the beach for the day but had to cancel the plans last minute due to the weather, and Ren and Ran made a point of expressing their displeasure.

Ran perks up immediately. “You mean we can have milk and honey?”

Makoto is seated on the couch with Haru at his side, staring listlessly into space when he hears his sister’s hopeful exclamation, and he has to force himself not to frown. He’s had a terrible headache since waking up that morning, and from his mother’s early retreat to her bedroom earlier, her condition is no better.

“I don’t see why not.” His father says with a small. “We have everything we need in the kitchen. Why don’t you two come help me? Your brothers deserve a treat, don’t you think?”

Ren and Ran jump at the chance to do something for Makoto and Haru. They’re intuitive kids, and they’ve surely noticed the changes in their older brothers’ behavior, though nothing has been said outright.

Makoto gives his younger siblings an encouraging smile, but once they leave the living room, he allows his expression to furrow.

“Is it bad?” Haru asks quietly. His arms are crossed over his chest, and while Makoto can feel his blue gaze on him, he doesn’t turn to meet it.

“Yeah.” Makoto sighs. “I took Mom’s medicine, but it didn’t help.”

“You should lie down.”

“I don’t want Ren and Ran to get upset.” Their mother has had crippling migraines ever since they were little, but if they know Makoto has been having them as well, they’ll start to worry.

“And they won’t if they see you like this?”

Makoto knows Haru won’t let the matter die, and truthfully, going back to bed does sound better than sitting out in the open where there are too many lights. So, rather than argue with Haru, Makoto gingerly pushes himself to his feet and heads for their bedroom, leaving Haru to come up with an explanation for his absence.

He falls into bed like he hasn’t seen it in years, not bothering to change his clothes or even climb underneath the covers, and he’s asleep within minutes.

* * *

Haru is sitting beside him, leaning over Makoto with an expression that speaks of so much pain, noticeable even through the dark.

“I know how to make your headache go away now. Mom’s, too.” Haru says. “I’m so sorry, Makoto.”

He’s crying, and Makoto knows he must be dreaming, but the sight of it is almost enough to distract him from his mind-splitting headache.

The pain spreads and billows until finally Makoto’s confusion leaves him completely.

“Don’t go to the beach without me.” Makoto murmurs, wrapping his right arm around his pillow tightly. “You know Rei can’t swim very well.”

Haru’s shoulders bounce once, and the sound that escapes him is strangled and frightened, but for the life of him, Makoto can’t muster the energy to properly comfort him. “I won’t. Not again. I didn’t listen before, but I should’ve.”

Makoto shakes his head but doesn’t say a word, and Haru’s silhouette shifts as he leans over, down and down until he’s fitting his mouth against Makoto’s, lingering long enough that his tears fall to land on Makoto’s face, slipping down his temples and into his hairline.

“I had to do that… at least once.” Haru whispers, and Makoto closes his eyes.

* * *

When Makoto wakes up, his headache is gone.

He lies still for a long while, blinking owlishly into the dark as he registers the pounding of rain against the roof. There’s a bad taste in his mouth when he sits up, rubbing at the back of his head.

His thoughts wander to his dream, what little recollection he actually has of it. He thinks Haru must have come to wake him up for some reason, dinner or something, but Makoto was just too tired to even contemplate getting up.

He looks over at Haru’s bed only to find that it’s empty, sheets made and pillows perfectly lined up. Another glance around the room and Makoto finds a mug filled with milk on his bedside table, and beyond that, his digital clock, which reads: _11:43._

Something like panic blooms in Makoto’s chest, and he stands up, heading for the door without really thinking about what he’s doing.

The entire house is dark, not a single light to be seen, and Makoto really does try to be careful as he stumbles around, but the more time passes, the more he begins to realize that something is wrong. Haru is nowhere in the house, and to make matters worse, there’s a bad storm raging outside.

It’s just like the night Haru first appeared in many ways, and Makoto is unsettled by those similarities. He can’t think of anywhere Haru might be, where he could have wanted to go at this hour, but then something clicks, and Makoto remembers his dream that doesn't really feel like a dream now, what Haru had said about knowing how to make the headaches stop…

A boom of thunder sounds, rattling the windowpanes, and Makoto bolts.

The wind is stronger than anything Makoto has ever felt before, but it isn’t enough to send him running back inside with his tail between his legs. So, he grits his teeth and bears through it, facing the onslaught of the elements as well as he can, because Haru needs him.

How and why, Makoto doesn’t know. He’s not even sure how he understands that Haru is in trouble, and if it turns out that’s he’s overreacting for nothing and Haru just went for a walk like the idiot he is, then Makoto will lecture him later.

Until then, he won’t stop looking. He won’t stop trying.

He finds himself at the beach. The waves are loud and vicious, surging towards the sand and retreating just as quickly, and although he can hardly see them through the rain, Makoto finally understands why Haru was always so afraid.

“Haru!” Makoto shouts, trying to look in every direction at once as lightning illuminates the sky and thunder rolls across the landscape once more. He wonders if this is what his mother saw the day she found Haru. “Haru, this isn’t funny!”

The truth has been creeping up on him since he left the house, but even now, Makoto chooses to ignore it. He doesn’t think he’s ever been so panicked, not when talking to strangers or even giving an oral presentation at school. The sickness had been disappearing over the weeks, but it comes back full-force and settles in Makoto’s stomach like stones, ten times more crippling than it ever has been in the past.

“You promised.” Makoto thinks he’s crying, but with the rain and all, he can’t really tell. He wants to convince himself that he’s dreaming again, but he’s unable to this time. He feels it like a fresh wound, a severed limb, and for the second time in less than ten years, everything about Makoto’s life changes. “You _promised_ me you wouldn’t go near the ocean again.”

Haru came with the rain, and he left with it, too.


	9. Chapter 9

Makoto doesn’t know what to tell his family, so he doesn’t make an attempt.

The morning after the storm, he wakes up with a cold. Unsurprising to say the least, but it’s the last thing he wants to deal with.

Breakfast goes about as well as he expected. Ren and Ran immediately ask where Haru is. Makoto simply replies that he doesn’t know. Everyone aside from his mother falls into a frenzy, because how could Makoto _not_ know where Haru is?

It’s only thanks to his mother that his father doesn’t immediately call the police. Makoto doesn’t know what she says to pacify him, but he’s thankful nonetheless. A search would only prove pointless, and Makoto already knows without a shadow of doubt that Haru is gone for good.

The twins spend the day in tears, and Makoto comforts them as best he can, though it’s hard when he himself is in unbelievable pain.

Unlike him, Ren and Ran don’t know what it’s like to live without Haru.

Makoto supposes he could relearn, but doing so would mean forgetting, and that’s just not an option.

* * *

A week goes by.

Makoto doesn’t go to school and his parents don’t make him. He ignores Nagisa’s phone calls and focuses on his family, on helping to pick up the pieces after Haru’s abrupt disappearance. The empty bed in his room is enough to make him sick, but Ran has taken to sleeping there in recent days, so the loss isn’t so glaringly obvious.

Although he knows he probably should, he doesn’t ask his mother about what she knows. She’s handling this better than anyone, even Makoto himself, and he knows for a fact that she loved Haru as if he were her own son.

Aside from Makoto, Haru was closer to her than anyone, even if he refused to speak with her. With Makoto and his mother, it never seemed like there was a need for words, and Makoto can’t stop wondering why that is.

What sets the both of them apart from his father, Ren, and Ran?

* * *

On the afternoon of the seventh day, Makoto is sitting in bed when he hears the doorbell ring.

Ren and Ran are sleeping on either side of him, thoroughly exhausted from all the crying they did the previous night. Sometimes the two of them manage to forget, if even for a second, that they’ve lost one of the most important people in their lives, and they hate themselves for it when they do.

Makoto can relate, of course, but he hates seeing his younger siblings so upset. And he would be angry with Haru for causing all of this if he actually thought his adopted brother had left willingly.

When the ring sounds, Makoto is immediately curious. His heart jumps a little even though he knows that it isn’t Haru, and he takes a moment to mentally prepare himself before carefully sliding from the bed.

His father isn’t home, probably out pretending that he’s working when he’s actually looking for Haru, so it’s his mother’s voice that Makoto hears as he walks down the hall.

“It was a little frightening.” Makoto momentarily falters. That sounds like… “The power went out during the thick of it, so I was worried something would go wrong.”

“I’m thankful nothing did.” His mother says. Her voice sounds off. “He’s beautiful, Emi. I can already tell he’s going to look just like you.”

“You think so?” When Makoto rounds the corner, his mother is standing in the entryway with a forced smile on her face as she engages with Mrs. Nanase. “I think he takes more after my husband.”

Makoto stands there silently, unsure of what to do with himself, and eventually, the two older women notice.

“Makoto.” His mother says, eyes wide and sad when she sees him standing there. “Honey, I don’t think – “

“Oh, Makoto!” Mrs. Nanase says cheerfully. She’s thinner than she was the last time he saw her, and while Makoto understands that the wrapped bundle she has in her arms is a baby, he can’t completely wrap his mind around it. She still looks identical to Haru, and it hurts, oh _God_ does it hurt. “Don’t be shy, come on over here. I want you to meet my son.”

“It wasn’t a girl?” Makoto asks quietly, doing as he’s told and moving forward with the hesitance of a frightened animal.

The blue-eyed woman shakes her head, reaching up with the arm that isn’t cradling the baby to move the blanket away from his face so Makoto can see him clearly.

And as Makoto looks, he realizes that he doesn’t really feel anything. The sleeping baby doesn’t look a thing like Haru, and while that should be reassuring, it really isn’t. Like everything else in life, babies can change. Mrs. Nanase’s son won’t look like this forever.

“He’s only a week old, so he doesn’t do much aside from sleep and eat.” Mrs. Nanase says, voice soft and fond as she gazes down at her son. “He doesn’t really cry either. When he opens his eyes, he just watches and doesn’t make so much as a peep. The nurses at the hospital called him an old soul.”

“Makoto.” His mother says again, but he ignores her.

“What’s his name?” Makoto finds himself asking, though it’s pretty pointless in hindsight.

He already knows the answer.

* * *

“Hey, Nagisa?”

“Hm?”

“Do you… Do you think Haru is okay?”

“… “

“Nagisa?”

“I’m sorry, Mako-chan, but… I don’t know who you’re talking about. Is it someone we went to middle school with?”

“… No. No, never mind. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter to go, folks.


End file.
